


in your hands

by mse



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Gen, One-Shot, was originally written as canon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 09:58:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11689284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mse/pseuds/mse
Summary: Bobbi finally receives her HYDRA undercover charge’s file, and it leads to her musing about her own start as a SHIELD agent as well as the effect Jemma Simmons unknowingly had on her life.Written back in 2015 January as part of a Simmorse headcanon post on tumblr, but never actually published there or anywhere else. For some reason I decided to dig it up now. Haven't changed anything about the original text, which is why some of the details that were later revealed in canon are left vague here.





	in your hands

_Jemma Simmons..._

Bobbi Morse was somewhat surprised to find the name accompanied by the image of a smiling pretty young brunette inside the file Coulson left in her apartment, but she kept on reading it anyway, focusing on every little detail that could prove to be useful in her upcoming mission.

The file contained the usual personal data, confirming Simmons' age and qualifications among other things. Bobbi skimmed these pages quickly, although she did note that the birth place and the information on her family slightly differed on the original S.H.I.E.L.D. document and her HYDRA employment sheet.

That was good. Using one's original identity during undercover work was incredibly dangerous, especially now with everything out in the open following what happened at the Triskelion. If things went awry, the agent would be compromised, and anyone associated with them would be at risk. However with the HYDRA file stating that Simmons' supposedly long-estranged parents died almost 5 years ago, at least one danger was averted.

Still, it was a high-risk move. But Bobbi understood the necessity of it. Coulson needed someone in HYDRA's science operation high enough to have access to their projects, and that kind of infiltration in the department required not only credentials, but an existing stature in the science community. And Jemma Simmons certainly qualified in that regard.

 _No._ Bobbi reminded herself with a hint of a smile. _It's Dr. Jemma Simmons._

When Coulson first gave her the assignment a few weeks after the battle at the Triskelion, she wasn't given a name yet. All that the new director shared was that there was a scientist he sent undercover to infiltrate the organization, and that he wanted Bobbi embedded high in their security in case she needed an extraction.

Bobbi was only supposed to receive the agent's name after she reached her planned position as one of HYDRA's security heads, but Coulson's call came before that. It seemed that the scientist in her incredibly short time at HYDRA somehow managed to advance to the highest level of their science division already, therefore making it essential for Bobbi to know their identity as soon as possible given the added risk of the situation.

With her own experience, Bobbi shuddered to think what kind of proof of loyalty HYDRA required in exchange for that fast advancement. There was a part of her that couldn't help but wonder what kind of person it took to make that sacrifice. Bobbi knew first hand that those who made it through situations like this unscathed either had a strong belief in their ultimate purpose or gave up a part of their humanity in the process. Years of being one of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s top spies finally taught Bobbi another important lesson: that one didn't exclude the other. That the most dangerous way to lose one's humanity was by being blinded by a seemingly higher purpose.

These thoughts however came to an abrupt halt when she opened that folder on the desk under the faint light of her lamp, and realized that the name actually sounded familiar to her.

_Dr. Jemma Simmons._

She wondered if Coulson knew, and figured that it was too much of a coincidence for him not to.

It was 10 years ago now that Bobbi started her Biology PhD studies at Georgia Tech. At 21, she was the youngest student in her year, which was even more impressive given her numerous other interests, especially in a variety of martial arts. Bobbi also contemplated finishing a degree in Psychology at the time, as a way to sate her constant need to understand human emotions and thought processes even further.

She was approached by some of the professors who wanted to have her write her dissertation under their supervision, but was adamant about choosing Professor Calvin as her mentor. It wasn't the professor's seemingly rather boring and meaningless research on strange liquids that compelled her to do that; her body language and suspicious guests on the other hand seemed much more interesting, and Bobbi finally came to the conclusion that the old professor might just have something unexpected up her sleeve.

And then there was the paper with the eagle emblem.

Bobbi was visiting the professor's office when she noticed the paper, sticking out of a nondescript black folder on her desk. Sensing that there was something unusual about it, she distracted Calvin by asking for a book she knew was in her outer office, and while the professor was out, she pulled out the paper and quickly examined it.

It was the copy of a PhD dissertation, or at least its title page, written by a Cambridge student. But what caught her attention was the red stamp that ran across the whole page declaring it 'Classified', with a black eagle emblem on top.

Hearing the familiar footsteps Bobbi quickly read the title ( _'The behaviour of certain biological entities in extraterrestrial conditions and alternate life forms' by Jemma Simmons_ ) and put the paper back in the exact state she found it.

The name got engraved into her mind and so did the implications of what she's read. She started her studies under Professor Calvin, and in the next few years she managed to uncover more about this 'double life' her mentor led. She's found a few more mysterious papers with the same eagle emblem, and eventually figured out that it stood for a secret government organization called S.H.I.E.L.D.. She also noticed that there was a safe in her office, one that was invisible to the naked eye thanks to some high-end technology that definitely didn't mash with the rest of the office's look. It was after three months when she first realized that the professor was writing reports on her, and six months later when she first managed to get a look at the original results of the experiments they were doing in the lab, and conclude that the serum they were working on definitely wasn't entirely of this Earth.

By the time she finished her degree, she put enough pieces together that she was a walking international security risk, but gave her professor no sign of her knowledge. She knew that Calvin acted as a recruiter for S.H.I.E.L.D. based on the number of her former students who went on to have mysterious jobs in the government, and figured that if she was deemed worthy, she would get a visit soon.

It was the end of summer already when a woman named Melinda May approached her. Despite some obvious mistrust that Bobbi noted in the older woman's eyes at first, she was eventually escorted into a S.H.I.E.L.D. facility for an interview.

As it turned out that Bobbi wasn't as subtle about her investigations regarding her professor as she hoped, or at least not for S.H.I.E.L.D.. The agency had multiple hidden cameras in their employee's office, and therefore they've seen and analyzed Bobbi's every move. To her immense relief they were more impressed by her stealth to uncover the required information than interested in charging her with treason.

'We know that you have an aptitude for scientific research and development, but we could also use your abilities and improve upon your martial arts and weapon training in Operations. Whichever you choose, I'm sure we'll be lucky to have you there.'

For Bobbi the answer seemed simple then. She wanted to do both.

One of the first things Bobbi did when given access to S.H.I.E.L.D.'s database after being accepted into their Academy was to look up the paper that had her start on this whole crazy ride in the first place. She typed the name 'Jemma Simmons' into the library's search engine and clicked enter. The old doctorate paper almost immediately appeared on screen - among dozens and dozens of scientific articles and research reports written under the same name.

Bobbi found herself reading through them all, feeling excited over every new discovery and being in awe of the British woman's brilliant findings and deductions. She eventually found the name in the Academy's records, and was shocked to see that Jemma Simmons, who as it turned out held a PhD in both Biology and Chemistry, has just recently graduated from there, and was in fact four years younger than Bobbi herself.

Bobbi never thought of herself as vain, or someone who needed to be the absolute best at any given profession. Her decision to ultimately leave the scientific division and dedicate herself more to field work did have a connection to the aforementioned Dr. Simmons' work, but not because she was discouraged by the idea that someone whom she was four years their senior could run circles around her scientifically speaking. But the idea that she couldn't possibly be making a difference there with brilliant people like Cambridge PhD already working on the problem, while her other skill sets seemed to be in constant need on the field had her choose between the two at last.

That of course didn't mean that Bobbi gave up science. It became her hobby, just as martial arts were during her university years, and she made a conscious effort to always stay up to date when it came to the most recent discoveries as much as possible. She also made it her mission at the Academy to constantly mock, prank and occasionally beat up those in Operations who fueled the old feud between the science and field divisions. She loved wearing some of her nerdiest shirts just to further annoy them. And since no one dared to mess with the scary blonde who walked around with a pair of batons twirling in her hands as a relaxation, they let not just her Star Wars, but her terrible biology pun and 'Darwin is my homeboy' shirts go without any comment.

She didn't forget Jemma Simmons' name either, whose work continued to amaze her. Whenever she decided to read through the latest scientific developments, she made a point of looking for her reports first before anyone else.

And somehow there it was. The name that's been connected to the most important choices of her life was staring her into the face once again, asking her to go deeper and further into the darkness than she's ever been.

With a sigh Bobbi diverted her wayward thoughts back to the present, and focused back on the file at hand.

It had a number of personal assessments on Simmons, starting with Agent Weaver, her former S.O.. Bobbi remembered Weaver from her days at the Academy, she was nothing but supportive and fair to her young charges, but only a handful of them were deemed worthy to really grab her attention. Unsurprisingly Simmons was one of said people; Weaver's analysis of her, describing the British as 'analytical-minded, thirsty for knowledge but sweet and compassionate' was nothing but thorough, and gave plenty of inside for Bobbi to start building an image of her character.

Weaver tried to be objective but couldn't help her awe and general fondness for the girl seep through. Bobbi didn't mind, knowing that the S.O. took such liking to her only added more to her understanding of the younger woman. And it's not like she could fault Weaver for the bias, given her own personal fascination with Simmons' work.

She found numerous mentions of another former student, a certain Leo Fitz as well. She recognized the name from Simmons' papers, and knew that she and the engineer were close partners, but according to Weaver they were more like twins, inseparable during most of their years at the Academy so much so, that some have taken to referring to them as "Fitz-Simmons". Weaver also noted the positive effects they seemed to be having on each other, with Simmons having the ability to bring Fitz out of his shell, and Fitz taming some of Simmons' bouncy excitement, grounding her in the process.

Bobbi wondered where this Fitz was now. She hoped that he was alright, but the mere fact that Simmons was on this assignment in the first place suggested otherwise.

Then came the medical and field assessment papers that were done when the two scientists joined Coulson's team, and Bobbi's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

While being in perfect health and form, Jemma Simmons had abysmal combat skills according to the report she held in her hands. Which was to say, that she had none. Even more troubling were her espionage marks, where written in a squiggly handwriting she recognized as Maria Hill's, Bobbi found a note stating 'worst liar since Captain America'.

Bobbi would have been amused if a remarkably tiny brilliant scientist's life wasn't the punchline.

 _What the hell was Coulson even thinking?_ For all intents and purposes he sent the least qualified agent to do undercover work to infiltrate HYDRA. He sent a sweet, wide-eyed girl into the most vicious monster's den and still expects her to come back in one piece. Even as a director, Coulson should know better than that, no person in their right minds would send this girl out there to be slaughtered, and for what?

_And yet she's in..._

A thought suddenly stopped her fuming, and in that moment of clarity she was surprised to realize how strong her own emotional response was to Simmons' ordeal. She spread the files over her desk, trying to picture the scientist in front of herself.

5' 4" with a 'cheery disposition' according to Maria, and a cute British accent she probably refuses to give up. Who most likely fumbles through her words and rants incessantly whenever she feels uneasy or just excited... She imagined what would she look like as a HYDRA agent, picturing this little figure in her head, standing in front of a microscope in a lab coat, rambling on about a particularly interesting cellular structure, her eyes sparkling with so much excitement that even her safety glasses couldn't hide, and one word came to the forefront of her mind.

Non-threatening.

_Son of a bitch._

And yet it was true. She figured that if she would have really been assessing security risks at HYDRA, Simmons would be someone she'd quickly dismiss. Sure, she had all the red flags. A former relatively high level S.H.I.E.L.D. employee who doesn't seem to have any interest in HYDRA's founding goals of genocide and world domination... But Bobbi also noticed in Weaver's notes that the girl had a tendency to immerse herself completely in the science and discovery of her project, forgetting the implications of even the deadliest specimen. It was probably a bit creepy for her colleagues at SciOps. It might just save her life at HYDRA.

And frankly, the thought that a girl that transparent would be a spy just seemed so utterly ridiculous, so absurd that she had no doubt that after just one meeting with her, she would never stop laughing at the suggestion.

Still, while she knew that Coulson was a brilliant strategist, she wasn't sure if this wasn't just pure madness, plain and simple.

She felt like she was still missing a piece of the puzzle, so she moved to the last segment of the pile of papers in front of her. It turned out to be a mission summary of the year Simmons spent in Coulson's team written by none other than Melinda May herself. May's style was professional, her account of all that's happened brief and to the point with paying just enough attention to details that involved significant moments of Simmons' time there. And yet, surprisingly, even the senior agent couldn't help but let it slip through the cracks how much she cared about the scientist. Bobbi was somewhat relieved to learn that May gave the girl some rudimentary combat and weapon training before she left to her mission, but mostly she just felt like someone punched her in the gut as she reached the end of the report, and realized something.

_She was the one who wanted to do this._

_Simmons wanted to infiltrate HYDRA._

Reading about what happened to her partner in the pod, Bobbi figured that Simmons probably felt useless afterwards. Deep down she might even felt responsible, even if a logical mind like hers rationally had to know that none of it was her fault. But guilt was known to be an emotion that had the capacity to overwrite even the smartest people's brain cells, especially those with kindness and compassion in their hearts.

It wasn't hard for Bobbi to just picture Simmons in Coulson's office, practically begging him to send her in, to let her do this one thing. And Coulson being desperate and in need of intel did just that. He hated it, hated how he was using her pain for the agency, but it had to be done. Bobbi knew that her analysis on this was correct with absolute certainty.

And suddenly it all made sense. Bobbi was well aware that she was being manipulated by Coulson the moment she opened the file and saw the name on it, but now she understood why. Why it was important for Coulson for her to know every little detail about Simmons, to sympathize with her, to know how much she mattered to the team. He desperately needed Simmons to be safe, and he needed Bobbi to feel the same way about her mission.

Bobbi let out a deep sigh. She didn't tell Coulson this, but she already knew what sacrifice HYDRA required of her to make her final advancement through their ranks. Truthfully, she's known it for weeks. And while Coulson couldn't have known this, he probably suspected that there was something holding her back, that she needed one last push to take that step.

What Coulson definitely wasn't aware of though was that Bobbi actually had other reasons to succeed. She had a mission, one that only a select few knew about, and some have already died for. Bobbi's insides twisted painfully whenever she thought of Izzy, and yet neither that pain, nor her all-consuming mission was enough to get her to step over that line.

She hoped that she had time, that she could find a way to avoid it, but time was running out. Simmons was in position, and if she wanted to go through this, and if she wanted to save the scientist, then she needed to act now.

She thought of Izzy, of Idaho, of Mack, of the mission... Of Hunter being there, probably as oblivious as ever, but still in place as someone she could rely on later. And lastly, she thought about Jemma Simmons. But this time she wasn't just a mysterious name on a paper, or a child prodigy whose brilliant scientific theories filled her with amazement. She thought about the young woman in the file, the one who's slowly started to take form with every piece, every report and assessment she's read, until it seemed like she could see her right there in the room, flesh and blood, standing with her lips curling into an ever-present smile.

She thought about Coulson's own note on the last page.

**‘I know it’s a cliché, but her life is in your hands now. Please, get her home safe. C.’**

Bobbi closed the file and pushed it aside, her jaw set in determination, and stood up.

She had things to do. Missions to complete, tiny scientists to save... She could hardly waste any more time now, could she?

**Author's Note:**

> http://ettadunham.tumblr.com/post/107885390283


End file.
